If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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