The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Drake has all the answers
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
