is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
