her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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