she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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