i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
