Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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