dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
