I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
