I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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