the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
