I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
