Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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