My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
