I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
