you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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