adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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