she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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