Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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