she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
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I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
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There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder