really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.