I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats