I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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