then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.