i think my mom watched the whole time
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
