She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
