Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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