I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
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I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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