I'd wear matching sweaters with you
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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