Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
