wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
