And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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