I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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