I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
