grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
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the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
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Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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