i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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