Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
