So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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