oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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