Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
