Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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