What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
