bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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