i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
