You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
