As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You were trust falling into bushes
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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