i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
