Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
