Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
