After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
