My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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