so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
