I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
