Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Tornado booty call.. dedication
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
