If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
