I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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