a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
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