my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
