We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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