ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
