if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
