So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She bit a glass in half.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
