Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
