i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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