You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
