I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We are all done wearing pants today
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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