What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
