Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
