ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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