this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
