Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
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The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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