How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just high enough for therapy.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
