STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
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I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
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Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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