Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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