he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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