walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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