Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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