...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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