Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't deserve a penis
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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