I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
