I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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