I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
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I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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