god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We need to get me chipped asap
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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