Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
