i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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