I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
