how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
